i don't know....


I should have a two year old. I don't.
I wish I could be throwing a little party for him, sing Happy Birthday.
One of the most frustrating things for me is I don't know how to handle it. I want to celebrate his life in some special way, but I don't know how. I didn't have enough time with him to know what he would like, I'm left to guess, imagine. Some moments I just want to be alone. Others moments I want to have a huge party. I have a lifetime more to figure this out. I don't want it. But that doesn't change it. I want what I can't have.
Keep the prayers coming guys, cause I'm a mess.
Happy 2nd birthday my sweet Nate. 8 months wasn't enough.



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