Sunday, January 20, 2013


The Sunday after Nate died, while at church and singing this song, Beauty of the Cross, by Jonny Diaz.

                                                            "Beauty Of The Cross"

At the cross I find the beauty of Your matchless grace
At the cross I see a King who died to take my place
It's the moment that You made me clean and pardoned my soul
Amazing grace that I would be allowed unto Your throne
Not by my own will but solely by Your will alone
I'm unworthy of this love you have shown to me
I see my desperate need

The beauty of the cross is that there's One who has redeemed my soul
Beauty of the cross is that I'm finally free and letting go
Beauty of the cross is that Your grace has found me just as I am

Not by my own works that I may boast or I may come
But simply through your Son the sinless and Exalted One
Only through the cross that I'm made clean to draw near to you
Saved so that you would receive all glory due Your name
Everlasting God from age to age you never change
A true love story remains for all eternity
That all the world would see

My sinful soul could only be
Redeemed by the blood of a sinless King
So you came to the world that You had made
Conquered sin on the cross and You rose from the grave

That's the beauty of the cross

Through tears and sorrow, I came to this realization that when I get to heaven it's not going to be all about seeing Nate. That's not going to be the greatest joy, yes, I'm sure seeing him again will be wonderful. But that's not really the point. We were created to love God. Once you've come to have a saving knowledge of Jesus, while I don't fully grasp what heaven will be like, I do know through reading the Bible, that it's about worshiping Him. There have been times in my life that I looked at that and thought it could be incredibly boring, bowing down and singing for eternity, no longer being married...will we care about having cute hair and clothes? I'm not a sports gal, but I know I've heard Phil talk about hockey....

The point I'm trying to make is this, while we may do other things besides worship our Creator, the great thing about heaven is that we GET to. That is what we were created to do. Sometimes it is super hard to grasp. But while singing this song it reminded me how much Jesus loves us and what heaven is all about. We will be overjoyed to see loved ones, but that will not be the main, great thing.

My mom taught Ella this song, I can only pray that she will continue to grow to love Jesus and fully understand his love for her.