Sunday, October 21, 2012

Today I was reading to Ella about Polar Bears and the book said that they can live to be 40. Now why would an animal want to live 40 years on this earth  ( not that they have a 'choice') ?? But sometimes the only thing that keeps me going here on earth is that I remember it's really only a blink of an eye. Also that we have purpose to love and serve God best we can. What does a polar bear do, does it look back on it's life and feel accomplished. no. poor guy.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Parenting is hard

Right now the kids are asleep. There is something about a sleeping baby/child that melts away all the grievances of the day. This has been a hard one. My sweetie has pushed me to my limit. Pretty much all that could go wrong did. I had a horrible attitude. That is something I  really need to work on. Maybe that is why God did a wonderful job making it very evident in my life today. I can say more than once today I was thankful that my kids are young enough to not remember this day and the ways I treated them and lost my temper. I am not proud at all of the mom I was today. I need help. I recently memorized a Bible verse from Ephesians.

 'I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.' Ephesians 4:1-3

Those words in bold... ya I was was not practicing that today.

Have you ever seen the video ad of the kid who watch their parent do a 'bad habit' then copy them? It's very raw and gut wrenching to see that they really are learning the bad from us. I saw that today. My sin nature was in full swing.

Dear Jesus, Please do a work in my heart. Help me to stop and think before I react. Help me to put You first, and show my kids Your love, gentleness and patience. Please forgive me for all the ways I have wronged them today. It breaks my heart. Still and calm my heart. I'm begging You. Being a mom is such a hard job, but one I want to do to bring You glory. I can only do it well with Your help. I need a lot of help. I don't want to make excuses for my behavior. I want to make changes. I want to really enjoy my kids. Enjoy motherhood and being a wife. Chip away at the rough edges. It's going to hurt, but I know it's for the best. Hold my hand. Guide me. Help me teach my kids how to be kind, by being kind myself. Give me wisdom on how to deal with discipline. These days I'm very lost. Amen