Thoughts on being a wife a mother and a friend

We have something exciting to share with you. Nate was a big brother for about 1 week! I had a hunch over Thanksgiving.... and took a test to see, on our sweet Nathaniel's 9 month birthday, November 29th, and 4 weeks since he left us. It was POSITIVE!! We then went to get an ultrasound on the 20th of December. We saw our sweet new baby and heard a heartbeat. We are very excited, sad that Nathaniel wont be sharing this joy with us, and trying not to be scared at the realization of how quickly life can change so fresh in our mind.Nate will never be forgotten and holds such a special place in our hearts.  Please pray for us on this journey.

On Monday October 29th I was talking to my good friend Katie. I was sharing with her my struggles of being a mom of 2 kids. It's a lot of work. I wasn't liking how I was responding to my kids and how I really wanted to change that. She had to go, but said she would call back so we could chat some more. My kiddos were still napping, so I took that moment. I took out my Bible, a book I had just finished reading, Taking Care of the Me in Mommy , and some note cards and started writing down Bible verses that I thought would encourage me to be a better mom. I also found a blog and read this post about not feeling like a failure as a mom. I sat there and cried. What she wrote spoke to my heart. I looked around her blog a bit more, bookmarked it. Finished up my chat with Katie and went on with the rest of my day. Little did I know just 3 days later I'd put my sweet healthy 8 month old baby boy to bed for the last time and my whole life would be changed forever.... I hope I wil...

Today I was reading to Ella about Polar Bears and the book said that they can live to be 40. Now why would an animal want to live 40 years on this earth  ( not that they have a 'choice') ?? But sometimes the only thing that keeps me going here on earth is that I remember it's really only a blink of an eye. Also that we have purpose to love and serve God best we can. What does a polar bear do, does it look back on it's life and feel accomplished. no. poor guy.

Right now the kids are asleep. There is something about a sleeping baby/child that melts away all the  grievances  of the day. This has been a hard one. My sweetie has pushed me to my limit. Pretty much all that could go wrong did. I had a horrible attitude. That is something I  really need to work on. Maybe that is why God did a wonderful job making it very evident in my life today. I can say more than once today I was thankful that my kids are young enough to not remember this day and the ways I treated them and lost my temper. I am not proud at all of the mom I was today. I need help. I recently memorized a Bible verse from Ephesians.  ' I urge you to live a life worthy  of the calling  you have received.   Be completely humble and gentle ; be patient , bearing with one another  in love .   Make every effort to keep the unity  of the Spirit through the bond of peace.' Ephesians 4:1-3 Those words in bold... ya I was was...